the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
