I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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