At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
