Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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