Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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