I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
