I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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