I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
he fucked my hip out of place.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
