Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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