Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
