We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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