Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
