then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
