It's Friday. Sex?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
