...so i touched it.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
