Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
