he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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