I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
