I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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