How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
