i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
