it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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