Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
