just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
