kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
