If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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