Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
two words...techno handjob
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
