I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
