also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
