On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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