how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
