I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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