Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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