you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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