Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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