If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
