You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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