I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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