More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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