I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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