You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
