It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
