finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
