I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
