where does the pee come out of this thing
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
