Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
