I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
