I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
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