kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Is Oprah even human
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
