they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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