Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
